Christmas is usually considered to be a pleasant time, with hot drinks, pies, gifts and everything nice (a shout-out to all the Cartoon Network kids). But whilst you are mulling over mulled wine, there are creatures lurking under your sofas, craving violence (well they literally see red). But, do not fret, I will not have your Christmas ruined as I have looked at the crevices, the nooks, the crannies and dark places, all so that you do not have to!
Gryla the giantess was very kind for a child-eater. She even offered me some naughty picks for the day, which I gladly declined. While she spends most of the year eating wild berries, the winter is a difficult time for plants in Iceland. So what is an easier catch than sleeping children? Don’t judge her, she has a family to feed, just like you lot. Moreover, she has a very hungry cat in her home.
The Yule Cat lives with Gryla and he has no qualms of eating adults as well. Like most cats, he is very fond of old clothes, possibly why he eats people who have got no new clothes for Yule season. However, the Yule Cat is far from the creepiest Christmas animal. That title would go to the zombie horse Mari Lwyd.
Mari Lwyd is someone who finds you rather than the other way around. All I had to do was sit at home (lockdown has made that easy). He came around one night and whispered in poetic tones which I guessed was Welsh. He wanted to come in. Traditionally you would have to keep him out by singing. But, I am a bad singer. So isn’t it obvious what has to be done? Let him in of course. It turns out all the poor bugger wanted was a conversation and people just kept interrupting him with their noisy singing. Mr Lwyd has a condition and can only speak in rhymes. Why do people misunderstand him and immediately start competing?
While Old Man Winter is not a bad person, he is known for being naughty. Jack Frost loves to give everybody the beautiful white winters that most of us can only dream of. However, he seems to be very choosy of his locations. This is why I was unable to meet him this year sitting here in Bombay. But he did make brief appearances when I was in Manchester. On a frosty day, I spoke with him, a bloke who liked to have his fun. He laughed as a boy tripped on frozen dew and fell face first on wet grass. He did not talk much, but his actions and capricious behaviour is enough to truly understand what he is about. If you live in a place which gets a lot of snow in winter, let me know if he is more talkative then?
While Gryla is very particular about stewing children, the fate met at the hands of Krampus is rather unpredictable. He is a mysterious Germanic figure who is possibly the most Satanic being on Earth. He often accompanies St Nicholas and sacks naughty children who are then taken to his lair. While St Nicholas only comes during Christmas, Krampus arrives on Krampusnacht (Krampus Night) on December 5th. I met him on the 12th, giving him a week to adjust to the outside world. Who knows where he comes from, he could be jet lagged. While Frost didn’t talk much, he at least emoted. Talking to Krampus was like talking to me when I am exceptionally hungry, all growls and no greetings. I did whisper some names into his ears, unfortunately, he just growled and went away. I took that to mean that he didn’t deal with adults.
Now this is where it gets really freaky. So, I am a literature freak (freak, freaky… what the freak?). And hence, I had to meet this person. But, he was the one I was afraid of the most. As I approached the dark corridor, he pointed his lean scaly finger at oblivion. And over there something began to form, it was my dark future, and the hooded spirit of Christmas Yet to Come kept pointing and there upon that wall I saw – wait a minute! That’s private matters, moving on.
I left the best for last. This was a man much like Mari Lwyd, who came to you. He lurked in the shadows, crawled through your window and ate your food while you slept. Want a clue? He is plump. He has an obsession with the evil red. And he is Father Christmas himself (Yes, he is Santa Claus!). I mean of all the characters I just spoke of, he is the only one who enters your house without your knowledge. Who knows what ill intentions he has? Well, he at least leaves a gift behind, I’ll give him that much.
Yes, I have visited these creatures so that you do not have to, but remember, not all of them need you to look out for them. Some come knocking on your door, others through chimneys. So while you are sucking on that candy cane, or hogging mince pies, don’t get too chuffed, there’s always a creature craving the red of Christmas.
Gryla the giantess was very kind for a child-eater. She even offered me some naughty picks for the day, which I gladly declined. While she spends most of the year eating wild berries, the winter is a difficult time for plants in Iceland. So what is an easier catch than sleeping children? Don’t judge her, she has a family to feed, just like you lot. Moreover, she has a very hungry cat in her home.
Mari Lwyd is someone who finds you rather than the other way around. All I had to do was sit at home (lockdown has made that easy). He came around one night and whispered in poetic tones which I guessed was Welsh. He wanted to come in. Traditionally you would have to keep him out by singing. But, I am a bad singer. So isn’t it obvious what has to be done? Let him in of course. It turns out all the poor bugger wanted was a conversation and people just kept interrupting him with their noisy singing. Mr Lwyd has a condition and can only speak in rhymes. Why do people misunderstand him and immediately start competing?
While Old Man Winter is not a bad person, he is known for being naughty. Jack Frost loves to give everybody the beautiful white winters that most of us can only dream of. However, he seems to be very choosy of his locations. This is why I was unable to meet him this year sitting here in Bombay. But he did make brief appearances when I was in Manchester. On a frosty day, I spoke with him, a bloke who liked to have his fun. He laughed as a boy tripped on frozen dew and fell face first on wet grass. He did not talk much, but his actions and capricious behaviour is enough to truly understand what he is about. If you live in a place which gets a lot of snow in winter, let me know if he is more talkative then?
While Gryla is very particular about stewing children, the fate met at the hands of Krampus is rather unpredictable. He is a mysterious Germanic figure who is possibly the most Satanic being on Earth. He often accompanies St Nicholas and sacks naughty children who are then taken to his lair. While St Nicholas only comes during Christmas, Krampus arrives on Krampusnacht (Krampus Night) on December 5th. I met him on the 12th, giving him a week to adjust to the outside world. Who knows where he comes from, he could be jet lagged. While Frost didn’t talk much, he at least emoted. Talking to Krampus was like talking to me when I am exceptionally hungry, all growls and no greetings. I did whisper some names into his ears, unfortunately, he just growled and went away. I took that to mean that he didn’t deal with adults.
Now this is where it gets really freaky. So, I am a literature freak (freak, freaky… what the freak?). And hence, I had to meet this person. But, he was the one I was afraid of the most. As I approached the dark corridor, he pointed his lean scaly finger at oblivion. And over there something began to form, it was my dark future, and the hooded spirit of Christmas Yet to Come kept pointing and there upon that wall I saw – wait a minute! That’s private matters, moving on.
I left the best for last. This was a man much like Mari Lwyd, who came to you. He lurked in the shadows, crawled through your window and ate your food while you slept. Want a clue? He is plump. He has an obsession with the evil red. And he is Father Christmas himself (Yes, he is Santa Claus!). I mean of all the characters I just spoke of, he is the only one who enters your house without your knowledge. Who knows what ill intentions he has? Well, he at least leaves a gift behind, I’ll give him that much.
Yes, I have visited these creatures so that you do not have to, but remember, not all of them need you to look out for them. Some come knocking on your door, others through chimneys. So while you are sucking on that candy cane, or hogging mince pies, don’t get too chuffed, there’s always a creature craving the red of Christmas.